New Year, New <insert here>

Posted: February 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

I sometimes wonder when the search will end. Or when it will begin, or has it begun?

Hello 2012! LOL. Hopefully the world doesn’t end as the Mayans predicted the ‘Day of Rebirth’. But if it does happen, this could just be a routine phenomenon in the grand scheme of things. Like a PC that needs a reformat when its hopelessly cluttered with unmanageable files, viruses and what-not, maybe that’s what this world needs, a new start; only, we will need to be wiped out. Too bad we’re just here to witness it all.

There’s been a lot of changes in my life and I may not be able to write all of them down (now). Well one obvious one is that I have a new job. In my last entry, I was still with my other company who in July 2011, decided to let me go, due to redundancies. This company was acquired by another company which prompted for changes in Management and structure. So I went jobless for a while and took me quite some time to apply too. I was somewhat troubled that time as well.. With the increasing demands in job skills as I’ve also gotten older, I’d constantly need to be in tip-top shape, especially in the IT world. I actually failed lots of interviews, most of them I was unprepared: I just went in without no plan and preparation at all. I didn’t expect things to be so tough now. But all of that’s over 🙂 Thank God I have a new job now. Took me 2-3 months to get here. I gotta thank my previous company for parting me with 6 months’ worth of my monthly salary, which, although diminished, I’ve got tucked safely around somewhere.

I’m also going to a different gym now (one of the two biggest gyms in the metro). My body has undergone quite a minor change although some people are taking notice… I may look a little bulkier now. Possibly because of the range of equipment that I am now capable of using. It really is nice to go to a big gym for a change. Though with that comes a lot of people. And the temptation. LOL. We all know that more than half of the guys going to the gym aren’t straight right? Oh you didn’t know? Where have you been? Kidding. But really, I’ve been getting these sticky stares at the gym from people I don’t like 😦 Why is it that the people I like are indifferent to me? Or play hard to get. Sigh. At this point, it should be clear that I am still single for heaven’s sake. And of course, I’ve had some ‘fun’ with quite a few, very few, as I would like to limit my involvement with them since gay men are talkative, and filipinos love tsismis. LOL. But I have a few crushes. One of which added me on Google+ last December, which I think he does not remember. You see? Coz that’s the thing. I look different than my pictures, better in fact.

Some people think that I am this unapproachable, good-looking guy stereotype. Which I beg to differ because I am not good-looking. But some people categorize me into that niche which makes it very difficult to socialize or make moves… That I’ve actually lost all confidence in approaching guys that I like, and now content at taking stolen glances. I’ve actually become ‘torpe’ or just tired of this. Its all got to do with psychology and the way people play other people. The concept of power in social interactions. See, if I, being seen as this high strung, unapproachable GL guy, suddenly starts to initiate a conversation, the power will shift from me to this person, simply because I am the one reaching out. This person can then play it out or drag it out for as long as he wants or until I lose interest. Right now, people would of course, if not desperately, cling to some leverage. They want to be in control. Seldom will you see a person who will meet you on equal ground, who will actually take the effort to level the playing field and let things play out naturally. I must admit I was actually hoping to meet someone nice at the gym. Wishful thinking. But I’ve only been to one branch and just 3 months, who knows?

Also I lost my phone of 5 years 2 weeks before Christmas, so I have no idea who actually remembered to greet me… It was an old Nokia phone with no back-ups… so all of my contacts are now lost in time LOL. God takes away what needs replacing right? And with that comes my iPhone 4s. Took me 3 weeks to get  though. I got it through a plan, but I considered buying one (not via plan) but thought it would be better to have some spare cash when something important comes up. And Grindr! Hahaha. THE iPhone app for us. Though nothing really is new. But what’s more funny is that people you sometimes chat with, you actually see walking by, or at the gym. Kudos to the team that made this. But again, if I am to be judged by my photos, whose subject is not able to pose properly and not photogenic altogether, the battle is lost. LOL. But who knows right? But I’ve met a few who were pleasantly surprised when they met me though 🙂 Really can’t have everything.

Dragon year! My Chinese Zodiac sign is supposed to be a little lucky this year… Maybe love would come my way via the gym, via grindr or my new job? Exciting! But with age comes getting jaded… hurry up and find me before I get lost in myself.

I’ve been waiting.

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