Eccentric Circles

Posted: February 21, 2011 in Friends or Relationships but actually anything in between

There is a reason why we have our social circles. They exist because we gain something out of them: be it a feeling of belonging, of trust, of escape, of refuge. In this gay world, I basically have two; one with a friend that I’ve had for six years and the other with a friend that I have known for almost 2 years. Both groups are quite nice, in fact on the outside they may look identical, with the fact being that they consist of a friend and his partner. For the life of me, I do not know why this is so. Which is why I sometimes feel like I am destined  bodyguard to my friends’ partners. My first social circle, consists of J, and his partner plus a few. More vocal and more out. Goes to Fitness First and likes partying. My second is R and his partner plus a few. A little more reserved group, more masculine. Likes the outdoors, parties with reservation, drunkards when let loose, although more mature.

However there seems to be something amiss with the events that have transpired in the past few months. J, confided in me one day that he too wanted to have a new set of friends that he can go out with, enjoy etc., knowing that I maintain a different set of friends, specifically with R. Starting this year, J has begun to ‘get to know’ this group of people from Fitness First and has since then, been out with them for almost anything. The gym, which is a given, movies, an out of town trip, partying at BED Malate which is almost every week now… As J’s friend for almost 6 years, this behavior seems strange to me. And the fact that he ‘shouts out’ on Facebook like 3 or more times a day, only to let his new-found friends comment and comment like crazy I find absurd. I know these group of friends he’s trying to befriend. In fact they’re a good bunch. Only they aren’t in my age group, well J’s and R’s isn’t either, give or take 3-5 years. Anyway, they come from the University where I graduated in, and are very smart people. Based on intelligence and wavelength I definitely believe that I fit better in that group LOL. But there is something wrong here.

J had a rough patch with his partner last December which, also was the time he told me about having new friends. I feel, that he, misses being single and may want to find an outlet since he may not actually want to leave his partner. Coupled now with the fact that he has resigned from his job and is on ‘vacation’ for 3 months. I officially, declare him to be under a PHASE. Exploration. Reinvention. Not to mention he is turning 30 this year. So many factors involved which is why I find him acting a little different.

I was at BED this Saturday and J’s group was there along with the FF guys. I was with R’s. Although I sometimes like the spontaneity, in J’s group, I preferred to be in R’s. There are some people in the FF group that I do not really like that much.. of note would be someone who’d always like to be the center of conversation/attention. I hate stroking someone else’s ego. And it agonizes me to see someone doing it. Also with this bunch comes my crush from a previous entry, This Feeling. Him and I, although we have talked on a different occasion, found it still awkward to converse. Maybe we really don’t want to cross the line of comfort. But as the days had revealed, he may actually be attached. I’ve overheard him say that he is ‘allowed to play’, no emotions. Yet again another disappointment. This has happened a thousand times I’m already used to it.

So, J tells me they are going to BKK. I asked if they already have the tickets and he answers they have not? But already he has mentioned CebuPac’s promo which is limited right? So I said I can come because before, we had already planned to go there for summer (instead of Boracay again this year). Sans Facebook and I see that J is going with his new found friends. I should’ve read between the lines. He was telling me that THEY are going. I was not invited LOL. Which is perfectly fine with me. I could definitely put my money to better use. But as his friend, I think he is going too fast, doing so much in a short amount of time with these people, and for the sake of? Acceptance? No. Or as a welcome diversion to more pressing issues? Really, we use people for different purposes only to find it has never been them that we needed, it was we that needed fixing.

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