It’s You, It’s Me

Posted: September 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

So I’ve been riding the dating bandwagon lately. And besides the fact that I am currently seeing someone with relative frequency, there is no spark… no butterflies, no rainbows etc. But really, I know that I am into someone when I wake up in the morning and he’s the first thing that comes to mind or when I want to be a better person overall, when I wanna be a better man… so I guess Ill just have to wait for these to happen.. which is hopefully soon.

Anyway, last weekend I had your cliche dinner-movie date. The guy liked me enough to invite me to his place… which I politely declined. He was not my type and I did not make any remark as to this fact. I just declined his offer and said maybe next time. This guy, was a really nice guy; I felt the good in him. It was as if I had wanted to like him out of appreciation for this fact or I knew that eventually I would turn him down that I already am feeling guilty. I hated myself for being choosy because the guy liked me and I was the one that had fucked up standards.

On my way home, I felt really bad. Because I may have hurt the guy. Although I did not say anything or shown any ill feelings, there are things that hurt, even when left unsaid. I wanted to curse my own standards that prevented me from entertaining a future him. I am also now questioning the validity of the whole date concept. How successful are dates anyway? We all have our own ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ even before the date even starts. So what is the chance of anything moving forward?

Honestly, this is all getting tiringly exhausting.

  1. talahib says:

    That’s a sad state having high standards. Most often that not, if they are not met, they fall into frustrations. And, I guess, that’s what you are feeling right now. Dude, everyone has his own frailties. It’s a fact we must all accepts. And I know you know that well. I guess it’s a bit of adventure if you let yourself go with the flow at times. Who knows, you might learn to love substandard. After all, to love is to embrace imperfections as well.

    On my end, I’m on my fourth year in a relationship.

  2. Ken says:

    To each his own.

    And yes, at one point, you become friends with exhaustion. And that’s all there is.

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