Fairytale’s End

Posted: July 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

Today, after a long time, I cried.

It was around 4pm our time (2 or 3 am) Chicago time when my Papi told me the unthinkable. He was up late and hoping I was online on Facebook. He said he lost his job, and with it goes any chance of us seeing each other again. We had planned for him to come 2nd week of September. With his job comes discounts in airline tickets… He said that it was because he always voiced out his opinions and his pointing out what was wrong in the system that finally made his boss fire him.

I couldn’t understand it. Neither did he. What we had was so magical that we thought there was no stopping it. Right now my thoughts are all in disarray. Why’d this have to happen? Everything was going so well. Why do all of the people I love go away? Here he is, the magical man who captured my heart, he loves me for crying out loud! Why has circumstance come to separate us? Did we do anything wrong? Did I do anything wrong? If this is payment for anything evil that I’ve done which I doubt, why include him? His job? He supports his family too and now his Mom says she wants him to go to Puerto Rico and to think he’s been in this job since he was 17… And he tells me that its ok, he’s not sad because he lost his job, he’s sad because he lost the means by which he can see me again. That I his ‘baby’ will only remain as a dream. How fucked up can this all be? Why the hell NOW?

I had my doubts about all this, this long-distance relationship. I admit that. If we were in our right minds for keeping in touch, for holding out for each other, for feeding each others’ feelings. But now I realize, I was willing to go through the risk, the pain. WE JUST DIDN’T CARE. WE ARE IN LOVE. All the risk and sacrifice we were gonna take, that we will be willing to subject ourselves to, was going to be worth it, because we knew, we will see each other at the very end. And now all the possibility of our future has suddenly been robbed from us. Our small fire has been extinguished even before it had time to consume us.

I want to get mad, scream! Hurt someone, destroy something, but it cannot bring anything back. If we were meant to be then we’ll see each other sooner or later. But right now it hurts, it hurts soooo bad. I feel part of me has died, that a gaping hole has been carved out of my chest…

I really don’t know what to do… I really don’t. Maybe I was never meant to love again.

  1. GM says:

    Tol, masakit talaga yan pero just like any other events in your life, those feelings of hurt and despair will pass and as corny as it may sound but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Makakayanan mo rin yan. I bet you, the future holds a lot more promises and since it’s in our nature to love, your heart will beat again. Besides, better now than later when you have really fallen deeply for your Papi. So shake those blues away man and don’t make the mistake of listening to some love songs cuz they will only fuck your brains further. Cheers ka na dude!

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