A Matter of Consequence

Posted: July 5, 2010 in Musings

As expected, I have become super paranoid these past few days. I wasn’t feeling particularly well last Friday and Saturday. Felt better yesterday, and feeling better today. The reason for this paranoia is because seroconversion illness could kick in right about now. I’m afraid I may have caught HIV from my papi because we all know what happened there.

Well, I usually get sick. My throat, for the life of me, has been the cause of most of my “valid” absences from work. It gets irritated real fast: from sweets, cold drinks and kissing. Yes, kissing. Kissing involves the exchange of saliva, which contains the natural bacteria of someone else’s oral cavity. I’m thinking, kissing upsets the natural balance of bacteria in my throat causing it to get infected and sore. And yes, I have kissed a few guys this past week… and yes I have been eating chocolates as well… I get sick probably 5 times a year because of this. Eating a DQ Blizzard Brownie Temptation almost always causes me to have sore throat so yeah. And this weekend it almost started again. Good thing I already felt it coming.

I’ve been a hypochondriac when it comes to this. I mean 2 years  ago I was almost sure that I caught it just to realize that all my worries were for naught. The last HIV test I had was last December. And I’m due for another one right? (6 months). But knowing what happened between papi and I, I could wait for a few more months so the results become a bit accurate.

It’s not like I’m doubting him. I may be more active than he is. Or I’m just stupid. But what happened between us IS high-risk. Especially for me. If there was one sexual act that would be at the height of high-risk acts, that was it. I know that my throat has been like this for years. And it doesn’t change my mind that I have yellow phlegm and my snot has some blood in it. I’m still seeing this as a symptom but I know I shouldn’t. Seroconversion comes with flu-like symptoms right? But my throat doesn’t hurt (now) and I’m okay after two days. My sore throat episodes usually last for 2-3 days. But still I’m a little freaked out. Why?

Am I being too hard on myself? Do I think that I deserve to get sick for letting this happen? Do I actually believe that God would exact divine punishment because I got the condom 5 minutes too late?

Well I’ve always been consistent with safer sex. There have been probably low-risk incidents but this, this is definitely new to me. So from here on I’ll be monitoring myself for any sign or symptom for the next 6 months. And praying that God spares me from this cross.

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Comments
  1. poi says:

    afraid!!!

  2. GM says:

    I’d put my money on the random kissing coupled with the DQ Blizzard Brownie (yumm! for both!) rather than the dreaded 3 letters. But one cannot be too careful nowadays but more importantly, one needs to ask the question why would someone’s affection mean so much more than your love for yourself. Don’t fall into the same trap again by enriching your vocabulary of happiness. Be aware of things that make you happy and finding more of them. As they say, you cannot put all your happy eggs in just one basket. Spread the love bro.

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