Heart, Bound

Posted: June 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

So… it has been five days since my Papi had left and since then he’s emailed me thrice. If anyone out there can answer this please do: Does hotmail save messages in your inbox as conversations? Because I’m not sure if he read my latest reply. Because if Hotmail is like Gmail (Google Mail), then he may not have clicked on the same message to see my reply.  He’s not that tech savvy. Anyway I made a separate email just in case.

It’s just been an hour since his second email, and I’m so happy. Just when I thought that all of this was over, that the fairytale had come to an end, here he is making me start to believe again. And since I met him, I’m also having love sickness. Well, its basically  my own version of love  sickness because I haven’t heard of this from anyone… and I call it as such because I don’t know what else to call it… Everytime I meet someone I feel a special bond with, I lose interest in other guys. Just like that. I may have even lost my sex drive. I was in a bar (with friends) frequented by gay men this weekend but I didn’t care if I’d go home without getting to know someone or flirt or whatever. I just didn’t care. This is how I know I’m starting to fall in love with someone. And yes with someone thousands of miles away goddammit. But he’s confident that we’ll see each other again because as he put it in his email, “but i know i will see u very soon …bcuz i am going to make it happen…” And now we’re friends on Facebook! LOL.

Man, I didn’t know this can become somewhat complicated. But I’m pretty sure I’ll fall in love with him for real if he comes back here to see me… Here I was complaining how Cupid had become lazy in my life then BAM! What is this? So I put my love sickness to the test yesterday and went to church with my Crush, who has been in previous blog entries. As it turns out, this has gotta be one of my bottom three dates of all time. Why? Because when were eating at TacoBell, one of his officemates suddenly appeared. Since he did not want to be questioned about having dinner with a guy, he literally shooed me away. As in “Hurry, transfer to another seat, he’s coming!” It was both funny, paranoid and offensive all at the same time. Before that I was just letting him talk about his past, because this was the chance for me to get to know more about him and then this. Or am I just being too hard on him. After all he texted me to transfer and meet somewhere else and he was apologetic. But if it was me, I won’t do something like that. People wont generally jump to conclusions with me, because I don’t know, I don’t really look gay? But his cause for alarm was alarming LOL.

I haven’t discounted the fact that I may HAVE given my heart to somebody else. That I cannot help but jeopardize any promise of a relationship because my heart has been bound to someone on a different continent… or that I’m not willing to give this, whatever the hell this is, a chance. After all, there are no commitments as of this point. So I’m technically single. But my heart sure feels like it isn’t.

  1. GM says:

    “Or am I just being too hard on him.” – Sorry dude but your crush is an asshole and you are maybe going too soft on him. “Ikinahiya ka nya” is more like the phrase to describe what he did to you. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Why would he ask you to transfer to another seat when he can just tell his colleague that you are a friend? And even if you are the ugliest effem guy in town (taking cues from your question if you really look gay), still nobody should act like they are superior to other people. Thank goodness for your papi and your heart is still intact. Keep the faith.

    • Well yeah. I told this ‘incident’ to two of my close friends, and they said “Di ka naman mukhang bakla para gawin niya yun”. And they too said it was foul and probably he was ALREADY being suspected… that’s why he reacted like that. Oh well. At least as early as now, this ‘feature’ of his came out on its own. Blessing in disguise.

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