Soldiers in a War

Posted: May 14, 2010 in Friends or Relationships but actually anything in between, Musings

Besides getting addicted to Jay Sean’s song War, yesterday was kind of interesting. But before I get there, you, my reader, should check this out:

It is a remixed version of War with nice beats and I feel its better than the original 🙂 Do check out the lyrics! I’ve played this song over 20 times now and counting…

So, yesterday I met this guy on the MRT. Which I immediately knew was on to me coz he was stealing glances and was inching towards me from when he entered the train. Truth be told, I have met a lot of guys this way, so this is definitely not new to me. So since I found him cute, I told him I had to go and gave him a pat on the back before I went down Ayala Station. It probably took him 5 seconds to decide to go down the train coz he was pacing a bit. So yeah he did go down too. Long story short, we exchanged numbers. He texted me in the afternoon and we chatted on YM. I didn’t get my hopes up because I saw his cellphone wallpaper when he asked for my number; it was him with another guy. So he was asking me the usual: what I do, where I stay and occasionally telling me how hot I was and how his heart was pounding everytime he glanced at me on the train. I, of course said thanks. So he asked if I was single, I said yes, and I threw the question back. Of course I was right, he wasn’t single. He clearly wanted to have sex with me and I said that I try to avoid doing it with people with partners. I said we can just be friends. He said their relationship was open. But I had another reason, besides karma…

He really wanted to see me. And me being the naive, fool that I am decided to meet him at his place for dinner. So yeah, something happened. And after that he saw the sadness in my eyes. He said he was sorry for bringing me to ‘his world’, but I said I’m ok and I’m used to it. It was his fault as well as mine. But really, it still hurts a bit. You see, being with people with partners (read: committed) reminds me of my own loneliness, of my inability to find a loving relationship. For some egotistic maniacs out there, this act would feed them, fill them with vigor, since I can bring a committed guy to his knees (quite literally :P) but for me it just does the opposite. Because deep down inside I still envy them for what they have.

He’s nice and sweet and cute. And I’d consider dating him if he were single. Plus he’s got a 5 o’clock shadow going on which is plusplus points in my book. I noticed that people who are or who have been in long relationships generally are better hosts and are nicer. Not to say that single guys are generally assholes, oh wait does this include me, oh what the hell. But he said that I am a great guy and he’d like to be my friend and he would also say sorry to me from time to time.

So what do we make of this? He says he’d like us to chat again today after lunch because he has a meeting outside of the office in the morning. He also asked me if we could watch a movie soon. Well, sure if you’d really like to be friends with someone then time and effort is required right? But I am gonna give this a chance because I really dont have that much close friends. My only qualm about this is I have got to be clear about what I want, which is to make a friend out of him. I have to stop myself from going beyond friendship’s boundaries. I have to stop myself from falling in love with him. Like the time when I kissed him, I was holding back. When we were doing it, I was holding back. I was preventing myself from giving him a reason to like me so much. I don’t want to be the reason why they would split up. But really, nothing feels more pathetic than falling in love with someone you cannot have right? Because it has happened before and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

  1. robert says:

    Here is another perspective: I am seeing someone and we have cleared with each other that we are on a non-exclusive relationship. But weeks later after the nice together-time, he told me that he is ‘seeing other guys too’.. It dawned to me that I am lately having these strange attitude of shutting other boys/men who are going after me coz of ‘him’… and i am turning into a faithful fool thinking he is too. but i was wrong.

  2. dave says:

    you did the right thing… held back!

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